![]() ![]() They (and sometimes I) would put off ordinary delights of relaxation and time with loved ones until after this project, or that promotion, when finally it would be time to rest.īut, of course, that day never seemed to arrive. Many of them had made the success addict’s choice of specialness over happiness. “Anyone can do the things it takes to be happy-going on vacation with family, relaxing with friends … but not everyone can accomplish great things.” My friend scoffed at this, but I started asking other people in my circles and found that I wasn’t unusual. I know a thing or two about this: As I once found myself confessing to a close friend, “I would prefer to be special than happy.” He asked why. Many scholars, such as the psychologist Barbara Killinger, have shown that people willingly sacrifice their own well-being through overwork to keep getting hits of success. ![]() Read: Workism is making Americans miserable Some forgo marriage for their careers-earning the appellation of being “married to their work”-even though a good relationship is more satisfying than any job. They travel for business on anniversaries they miss Little League games and recitals while working long hours. People sacrifice their links with others for their true love, success. (This is basically how social media keeps people hooked: Users get a dopamine hit from the “likes” generated by a post, keeping them coming back again and again, hour after miserable hour.)īut success also resembles addiction in its effect on human relationships. To a certain extent, I mean that literally-praise stimulates the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is implicated in all addictive behaviors. Though it isn’t a conventional medical addiction, for many people success has addictive properties. The decision to keep drinking is to choose that intense love-twisted and lonely as it is-over the banality of mere happiness. As the author Caroline Knapp described alcoholism in her memoir Drinking: A Love Story, “It happened this way: I fell in love and then, because the love was ruining everything I cared about, I had to fall out.” Many alcoholics know that they would be happier if they quit, but that isn’t the point. But arguably more powerful than the physical addiction is the sense that drinking is a relationship, not an activity. Physical dependency keeps alcoholics committed to their vice, even as it wrecks their happiness. It might well be the story of someone whose never-ending quest for more and more success leaves them perpetually unsatisfied and incapable of happiness. Now imagine instead reading a story titled “The Relentless Pursuit of Success.” That would be an inspiring story, wouldn’t it? Imagine reading a story titled “The Relentless Pursuit of Booze.” You would likely expect a depressing story about a person in a downward alcoholic spiral. “ How to Build a Life” is a biweekly column by Arthur Brooks, tackling questions of meaning and happiness. ![]()
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